Today at Lakay Billiards, maybe, around quarter to 4 am, I and may bestfriend jepa arrive.

At first I was luring my eyes around and looking for a specific person, then I saw my friend that I call mommy Princess, I approach her and then in that instance, she pointed me my circle of friends. I was a bit surprise because I thought they were going somewhere else and not totally expecting them there. (I was totally expecting for someone else)

After Mommy Princess pointed them to me, I didn't directly go there because I first give some of my acquaintances a "Beso Beso" (cheek to cheek kiss) then after making sure that everyone receive their beso beso from me, I decided to go to them.

While getting near, few of them are noticing me and making good side comments about me arriving to their table but someone just caught my eyes.

I first notice that my Buds (Fred) were there. And that is something I'm not happy about because we were in this big issue about me getting drunk and making a scene everywhere and giving them a hard time to take care of me while I'm not totally in my right consciousness.

Then I suddenly feel the changing of ambiance because from loud and laughter some of them started to whisper to each other about things and stuff while me and my best friend were there and completely standing in front of them.

After a while of standing, we decided to sit. I sit behind Allen while Jeppa was right next to him. They were throwing each other topics about OJTs and I'm just listening to them then suddenly I started to focus on Buds because he's making faces while looking at me, Smiling in the most creepiest way while staring at me then laughing because of it.

Few moments later, after both me and Buds were not focused to each other, he called my name twice. Then I was like, making face of a confuse person about what to react about it. 

So later, my friend Anghelito ask me if I can sit beside Buds so that we can talk about the said issue. Without any hesitants I immediately transfer sit right next to my Buds and I guess that I just put myself in a complete hell. He's been so foolish with me. Asking about my name, giving his hand for a shake hands then whenever I am trying to reach for it he will be immediately be pulling his hands away. It happened twice, I am so offended that moment but I'm trying to understand the fact that I am the one who has a mistake here and I don't have any right to react. 

Then the further offense comes next. He said I was just nothing to him. The " me and him friendship thing" will never be fixed again. That I was just no one for him and I don't worth it. 

" It breaks me in a gazillion pieces. It offended me. It smacks me on my face. It was a kick on my face. I was about to cry and I'm totally hurt at that moment.

It hurts... It hurts so bad that makes me want to go tantrum and cry out loud but I choose not to. I choose not to because I was completely stuck in my chair, I can't barely move myself, there's no sound going out of my mouth and I'm frozen. "

After he said that, he and his other friends from other circle of friends with Tina (her younger sister) decided to go home. I can't make it to even stand at the moment, I was startled.

I just wanna cry after talking to him, because when I first visited Kubo (The place where we stay for vacant time) for this semester, there's nothing else I wanna do but just to talk to him, to talk to those people who are mad at me. I don't want to lose them, they are my precious priceless friends.

I just want this to end, I just want us to be back on that moment when we use to love and care for each other despite of many single arguments and fights that we have because this is just not us. Its like a Fred and Margaux in a very bad & different version.

Right now even if I'm mad at him because of everything that he said to me, I know deep inside he still care and I believe that, I believe him, I believe my instinct and I just wish that I'm right. (*Finger crossed*)

I just hope for the best because there's nothing I can do now. This is the process where I have to wait. This is where I have to wait for the day that he will finally be forgiving me for my mistakes. And if that day comes, I will do everything to regain the friendship that we used to have before.

And even if it means that I have to start over again... I will.