Bakit ganun no? When you have someone that you have waited for so many years bigla bigla nalang babawiin sayo ng tadhana. It feel so unfair in anyways. It feel so unfair because there's nothing you have wished for na alam mong hindi mo ikakasaya and in a second your happiness would just fade away because of something unnecessarily that just had happened. It was so frustrating. It will feel you so down. It was so scary and it was so painful. I just wish that life would be fair for just one day and everything will be changed forever because one person make it right.
" It's not about being who you are, it's about being who you REALLY are"
Life is not about being perfect at all but I know that I have to keep myself perfect just to fit into the society that I am with now on my life.
My circle of friends are those people I cannot see to care for me but really cares for me. I don't know but there is something that really bother's me and that also keeps on pushing me to be the kind of person they want me to be. I know what they want for me is the only thing that will make a better me in the future but most of the time contradicts with what I want. I want to be complete and the only way for me to achieve that is to become a girl. Yes I am a man, at the moment yes I am. I don't have a choice but maybe someday I will and that's what I'm pushing through my life now. I have to become a woman, I wanna feel how! I wanna feel how to become a woman not only to be feminine but to be as woman as well with my body.
I don't know what to do right now. Maybe I'm just confused because I can't decide on my own. Maybe I'm just insecure because I keep on seeing man who is now a woman. Maybe I'm just envying every girl who have already tried to have a vagina. THEIR OWN VAGINA! I wanna have my own. I want to have one.
One thing that I might see to be so fulfilling in my life is when a straight guy loves me because I am a girl. I want a straight guy to have a children with me, I wanna become his wife and I want to be called mom.
That day that I have that, I'll be happy for my life. I'll be contented on my life, after that I will find the right path for me, a good career to focus on and a good life to settle with. It's not hard, I know God will not leave me alone on my decisions in life, maybe it's a big mistake for many and I know its a Big mistake for God. I know, before I even decided on this I knew it already. I have to face it, its part of the process and beside, its what I wanted and those consequences that I might face after, that's what I'll face alone. I have to.
Now that this post has comes to an end. I have to thank everyone who would maybe finish reading this one. This is one of those special post for me that I have posted here.
