Papa's First Anniversary
February 16, 2016 when my father died. I was actually still in shock when it happened cos I was never ready for it. — Going back to when my father is still in the Hospital, I feel uncomfortable going, cos it was never a family tradition to visit someone in a hospital, because it also makes you feel weak and sad.
Before my dad, it was one of closest friend "Shauna" whom I visit. It was actually not on my mind but since my best friend wanted me to go, I decided, why not. It was something I never thought cos when I got there, Shauna is dying. Just like my father. — it was only a few minutes different from when I got there until the time he started collapsing. It was devastating, horrible and scary to see someone who's dying that is REALLY special for you. I feel like I was broken into million pieces. My mind was everywhere, thinking of things. Thinking of tomorrow, of next week, next month, next year to come — what will happen?
My father died and nobody is ready, nobody is ready to stand on their feet, neither do I. I was scared, until now I am still scared because right now, I'm mostly the only chance to my family to get a little bit of money that will comes from my salary.
Every time, I feel down. Helpless. And I don't know where to get an inspiration to make myself happy in any way possible.
Today, until now, I am just simply surprised how happy we are together, I know we're missing someone but for now we are just thinking that my dad is always with us all the time, guiding us and making us safe.
As a child, I never get to become more open to my dad, I don't say I love you, I don't say I miss you because that's not my nature to him and he doesn't like that kind of stuff. I've been such a bad child to my parents, maybe the most stubborn one.
I don't know how to repay my dad but as long as I can, I'm willing to stay with my mom to support her, I know people say that I will be the first child to get off my parent's house or I've been told to be the most un-supportive one.
For my mom, I only have one promise, despite the fact how I hate my youngest sister, I will not leave you and I will support you with all my heart. I will give you everything you deserve but you have to support me back as well, — because there's times that I usually can't take it anymore and nobody can understand me and all I need is love.
This has been one of the strongest battle that I had ever faced, and throughout the process, nothing is easy.
REST IN PEACE PAPA
ENGR. DANIEL L. BAYLOSIS
OCT. 21, 1963 - FEB. 16, 2016
I love you so much papa, I hope you are doing good in heaven and I hope you're always there. Always guide us and don't forget to love us every single day.
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